Warning: I am going to have a little pity party for myself right now. I want to say what I am feeling. I know that it is probably not right to feel this way right now but I do. Don't judge me, just let me vent! I don't want anyone to feel bad for me, I just need to say how I am feeling.
Delaney and I were so excited this morning because we were going to the Dr. to have an ultrasound! When we got there I had a funny feeling that something was going to be wrong. I tried to ignore the feeling thinking that I should not be so pessimistic. We went in for the ultrasound and I watched. Usually the lady will talk to you or talk about what is going on or what you see. Nothing. Whatever, maybe they are just different here. Then I see where you are supposed to see the heartbeat. Nothing. I wanted to just start crying right then and there but I thought, maybe I am wrong. When she was finished she said, now we are going to go talk to the Dr. Not a good sign. They kept Delaney out in the hall coloring with the nurse while I sat in the Doctors office. She told me that the fetus should be 8 weeks but it is only 6 and there is no heartbeat! REALLY???!!! I just don't get it!! I have waited so long for another one! I have miscarried once already! I am emotionally drained! I am SOOOO grateful for the kids I have and could not imagine my life without them but I want more! Yeah, maybe that sounds selfish and greedy but that is how I feel! 3 years I have been trying to have another baby!! I already had a miscarriage almost 2 years ago! I am just exhausted mentally and emotionally.
I Choose You
6 years ago
6 comments:
Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. You have every right to be hurt and angry. Let it all out. Have a good cry for a few weeks. Remember we love ya.
No pity parties!!! You deserve to feel that way. I am so very sorry, I had a miscarriage before I had Ady. I cried for a couple days. It is such a awful empty feeling. I will keep you in my prayers!
:(
Heavenly Father has a plan Nik. Your just not aware of it yet.
I love you!!! Call me for anything.
I usually check in with your blog every now and then through Cami's link, but until now I have never really thought to comment.
I have to tell you how sorry I am -I know that there are no other words right now. After 6 years of trying, and 2 miscarriages in the last year, I completely understand how you are feeling.
NEVER feel selfish or greedy for wanting another child. You are an excellent mother, and you deserve the family that you have dreamed of, regardless of the size.
I know that I don't know you very well, but I can't tell you how much I wish I could hug you right now. You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever need someone to talk to who knows what it's like, please let me know. I'd love to listen.
-Amy Hales
mylj831@msn.com
Hey I just wanted to tell you that I am thinking about you. I just wanted you to know that reading about your frustration really helped me to put things into perspective. I miscarried seven months ago and we still haven't been able to get pregnant again. I was starting to feel like poor me but I realize it will all work out. It's just nice to know that there are other women who know how I feel and have had similar experiences.
I can't imagine loosing a baby. I just want you to know that my prayers are with you and your family. I think you need to take those times to vent and let out your frustration. And it's ok to be upset every once in a while. Your kids are darling and it's no wonder you want another one. It will come. Just remember these things happen in the Lord's time. And all these things shall give thee experience! We truly do grow through our trials. Especially a trial like this that we don't have much control over. It forces us to rely on the Lord and through that we become so much closer to him. Love ya and we are thinking of you!
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